Dear Pauline,
Ayudame, por favor. My friend has entered my work industry. A once fun and trusting friendship is quickly becoming a competitive relationship. Because she was my friend, I introduced her to key people in the industry. Now, she is proudly closing deals and growing quickly. She doesn't return my calls anymore. When I see her at networking events, she's quick to let people know we are friends but never introduces me to new connections. How do I salvage our friendship? Is it too late?
Sincerely,
Still Hopeful
Dear Hopeful,
Damn, girl. That's a lot of drama. Also? I'm thinking you must be some kind of saint because I'd have kicked your "friend" to the curb already. While it's entirely possible that you are way nicer than I am and I'm too mean, I think we need to delve a little deeper here. Why? Let's discuss...
The phrase "It's not what you know, but who you know" totally applies. Whatever industry it may be that you and your Best Frenemy Forever are in, it usually pays to have connections. You, amiga, were the connector in this case and your "friend" is the chick who obviously knows how to jump in and hit the ground running. I applaud you for sharing your insider game (and I grudgingly admit admiration for the barracuda who has turned your relationship into a Spanglish version of Shark Tank), but that's where the props stop and reality sets in. What do I mean by that? M'ija, I'm not saying your entire friendship was a lie -- or that she used you to get the intros she needed -- but it's walking and it's quacking and I hear that's what ducks usually do.
The only thing that bothers me is that Princessa Enemiga is still all "I Love My Bestie" to anyone who will listen when you two happen to be in the same place. Obviously, she thinks she needs to be associated with you to continue to climb that corporate ladder (and missed the part in Disney's Aladdin where the Genie mentions quid pro quo.) And that, my dear, is her Achilles heel: she lacks confidence in her own ability to succeed on her own merit.
Here's where I remind you of the power you hold within: You are not required to share your light with anyone not willing to share back. That is true friendship. Chickie-poo isn't your problem, anymore. By all means, be professional and courteous when in public and when referring to the Relationship that Was, but if I were you, I'd pick up that smart phone, delete her contact info, and move on. -- You are worth it.
Sincerely,
--P
Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at dimelo@latina.com. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.